The Words of Today

How can you feel so cold
When your touch is so hot?
I knew you once
And now recognize you not.

Who is this person before me,
Stranger behind my love's face?
I fell for you hard and
Without you I'm falling harder.

When I wake up in the morning
I feel like something's wrong
And I remember what it is and
That I can't fix it.

What was my fault,
What wrong did I commit?
I just wish you would talk to me.
So I could understand.

Yes I miss your touch
But even more I miss
Waking up to your face in early sunlight
Falling asleep in your arms
Holding your hand as we walked down the street
Seeing shows every weekend
Stroking your hair
Hugs
Laughter
Smiling

Last Tuesday would have been six months.
My lover, my friend, where are you?
The heartbreak sinks deeper.
Quieter, but stronger.
It's awfully lonely in here.
--4.23.10

How I Still

My love, how I still want to kiss you.
That mouth I have come to know so well.
I see your body, familiar and strong.
There awakes a fire within me.
I wonder if this is as serious
For you as it is for me.
My love, how I still want to kiss you.
That mouth I have come to know so well.
--4.9.10

Reality Check

This is real.
It is always true,
Even if I deny it.
How can I live with it?
I must learn.
But oh, how I miss you.
--4.9.10

I Hope

I still need time to cry
I know not how long this will last,
How long I will feel this way
My love makes me soar
But also drops me to deepest depths
Let things course as they should
While still I hope you will love me again.
This is what you need, I hope.
This will help you grow, I hope.
This will help you learn, I hope.
And love me again soon, I hope.
--4.9.10

Where Are You?

Baby, where are you?
Who took you away?
Where have you gone, my love?
Why doesn't it matter that I love you?
I want to talk to you, baby, like always.
I want to tell you all my secrets.
I want to celebrate myself in you.
My truth is that I love you
And I am being denied that, by you.
My love, where are you?
What can I do for you?
My love, where are you?
--4.7.10

Dearest

Dearest,
Let not my smiling eyes deceive you.
Still within my heart is breaking,
Even as my own love heals it.

I hope that you are happy
That what you think you want
Does bring you happiness,
For I want you to be but joyous.

I will continue to smile
And to try to give you what you wish,
And keep to myself
What I believe to be true in my heart.

Dearest,
I love you enough to give you this
Whatever the fated outcome may be,
Let us live among one another in love and happiness,
Great friends, if nothing more.
--4.8.10

Your Birthday

Don't know what you're thinking.
At all, anymore.
Keep trying to tell you
What I've got,
But to no response.

And your birthday's coming up,
And I thought we would spend it together
Now it's another dark day on the calendar,
I miss you.

I'll keep telling you I love you
Until I really don't think it's true
But love is a choice,
So that may be a while.

What do you want for your birthday, my love?
I want to give you everything.
I want to give you my love and my heart
My body and my soul,
I want to give you happiness and joy
And freedom and youth.

What do you want for your birthday, my love?
I love you, I miss you, I'm yours.
--4.7.10

Ancient

Last night in my dreams
You ravished me,
And with an ancient clarity I knew
We were meant to be together.

This is a test.
Musn't all love be tested?

It was terrible to wake up
To find my dream unrealized.

But I love you,
And I believe the dream to be a message
And this love is worth the pain.

Come true soon, dream.
I am missing my lover.
--4.6.10

Forgive Me Sometimes

i go to sleep and i'm
missing you.
i wake up and i'm
Missing you.
and then all through the day i'm
MISSING you,
because the you who understood is gone.
because i can't hold hands with you
because i can't lean on you for support
because i can't talk to you like a friend
almost a week i've been MISSING you
and i'm getting so scared, and so lonely, and so tired.
but i won't give up,
oh no i won't give up
because when you've got almost nothing, like i've got now,
all you've got is FAITH and LOVE.
so that's what i got.
and sometimes i got FAITH
but other times i only got faith,
so you'll have to forgive me sometimes,
but i always got LOVE
so take care.
come back soon.
because right now my LOVE
and my FAITH
are MISSING you.
--4.5.10

Sit Sitting Sit

Sitting like this
Next to you
Not touching
Not speaking
Not breathing
Is a new form of suffocating.

Space has never felt so small
While distance so huge.

Just want to
Lay my head on your shoulder
Put my hand on your knee
And breathe.

I'm not breathing
When I'm near you
I'm not breathing.

Used to be
You took my breath away -
You still do, just the same
But now it doesn't come back.

Breath gets replaced
By a need to vomit
Even though I haven't eaten in days.
Breath gets replaced
By a need to cry
Even though I've been crying for days.

I have little left to give you.
But I'll keep trying.
--4.4.10

First Thoughts of Mo(u)rning

She wants to ask if he had fun
But she's afraid he'll say he did
She wants to ask if he misses her
But she's afraid he'll say he doesn't
She wants to ask if he's sorry
But she's afraid he'll say he's not
And she won't ask if he loves her
Because he's already told her he doesn't.

She wants him to have fun
But not without her
She wants him to miss her
But really just come back
She wants him to be sorry
But for it just to be over
She wants him to love her
Like he said he did, once.
--4.4.10

Little Things

Extra early rehearsal
And man do I wish
I was staying over tonight
Even more than before

Can't stop loving you.
Won't stop loving you.

Won't say I'm waiting
But I don't want anyone else.

Knowing that I love you
That I have love to give
Is the greatest joy there is.

I hope you'll realize that.

Because it's in the little things - the habits.
The trying to remember things so I can tell you later
But now you won't want to listen
The finding events I want to invite you to
But now you won't want to go
The silly things I want to text you
But now our conversations are anything but trivial
The moments I see you and want to kiss you
But now I know it won't feel the same
Every moment I want to hold your hand, and reach for it,
And know you're not reaching back.
--4.2.10

Tornado Wings

I still don't want anyone to know
About anything other than my love
But brewing inside
Twisting and turning
Churning burning
Ready to explode

How do you suppress a tornado in your heart?

How can I hide
My blood being ripped apart
That eternal rainy night
Dripping down the back of my skull

What do I do with these hands?
All I can do is dig up more love
And hold it, most precious,
Offer it up, to someone
Because it's all I have

I cannot calm the storm in my body
I cannot keep hiding it from the world

Swept up in the tornado
Let me fly on wings of love
Let me fly
Rage tornado
Let me fly
--4.1.10