Nothing in the world fucks you up like trust and abandonment issues.
Can I just have my words back, and with them, my heart, please?
Why am I the person who tries to make so many other people happy at my own expense?
I need some me time.
I don't know where anyone is.
I just want the people I care about to be happy. But if that's what I want, then why doesn't their happiness make me happy?
I keep giving people pieces of my heart, and then they just run away with it and I can't get it or them back.
Sometimes I feel so empty. So empty. Like it's just my skin and my bones, and my thoughts running around inside me, echoing off the emptiness of my insides.
My heart feels shredded. Ripped into pieces. Bleeding, and not the way a heart should. Not into veins, just spilling out into my empty insides.
I still love him so much. And there are so many "him"s that applies to.
There are no "quiet hours" outside my window. And for the first time in my memory, I actually want to tell the city to shut the fuck up. Or at least those four people outside my building listening to loud rap music at three in the morning.
I don't know what anything I've ever said means anymore, if it has any meaning left at all.
--9.19.08
