E(u)legy for a Lost Friend

The moments where it mattered
Where it mattered that you didn't love me
Have faded away
Lost to the ancient halls of memory
Where you no longer tread.

We shared together the moment
"Don't let me abandon you."
How did you disappear?

But what matters now
What matters is that I loved you
More deeply and truly
Than ever I have loved anyone.

And what matters is
What matters is that still I love you
Even as the thought of you
Makes me want to rip my veins from my arms
Fling your heart in a grave
And leave you there to rot.

I would have loved you
To the ends of the world
Through times we could never live to see.

For all that wretchedness
You killed my friend
And exactly as I feared
It was indifference, not hate
My love could rescue you, or me.

I can never quite let you go.
I don't want to go.
But I did.
--2.19.14