New Years and Now

She thought it would get better,
Easier,
Truer.

She thought believing was honest,
Automatic,
Real.

She thought there were no contradictions
Indecisions,
Misgivings.

But now there's a chance
That her wish will come true,
Or not.

And she's afraid if it does,
She won't believe it,
Even though it happened before,
And she did.

But what happened between then and now,
Yes and no,
Truth and lie?

Was it ever truth,
Or a drunken mistake,
Backed up by more lies
So she felt secure
And now is doubting.

But she wants to believe,
More than anything,
That it was
And is
True.

Where did it go?
It's within her,
Hopefully him.
Because she's afraid to say again
Until he does.
--3.30.10