Green Screen Love

OLD:

It was green screen love. Behind any background we chose, free through the wires and the ether. So much easier to talk in typed words, planned and replanned in head and then on screen. A blinking cursor, encouraging, a mediator between us. Each of us called by that simple signal.

It was green screen love. Our words fell honest and open behind the safety of hardware and light and thousands of miles and three hours time difference brought to mere milliseconds apart, with the stroke of a key. And as if our screens back to back didn’t bring us close enough, though we could never be close enough, your words brought you closer to me, and mine to you.

It was green screen love. Or was it love? It was not anger, or hatred, or malice that drove us apart. It was presence. I know not even exactly what that means, but the words know they are right.

It was green screen love. Or at least, at the very least, green screen attraction. But in the presence of one another, something changed. Well, you changed. My feelings are now unrequited. And let me tell you, unrequited love is a bitch and a half. It attacks multiple times over in ways I never expect in every waking moment, when I turn a corner or when I’m just sitting still.

It was green screen love. I believe that it was, whatever it is now. And for the sake of how much I love you, and for my hopes that such love won’t go to waste, because I have a fear of loving in the first place… I hope you can learn to love me back.

It was green screen love. And it is very difficult to come away from that malleable safety net into a real world, with scenery that changes only when you leave one place and journey somewhere else. It is hard, but not as hard as loving you, which is equally as hard as trying not to love you, trying to hate you, which I thought would be easier.

It was green screen love. This is where I have retreated, to express my voice, as I know not where else to turn. The Freudian typo “run” just slipped from my fingers without my consent. But you know all about the rogue fingers.

It was green screen love. Perhaps that’s all, for you. But I am lost; I have fallen. I fell for you and have not gotten up and it’s hard here at the bottom, because I came here with you and expected to soar to the top but fell off of the flight even harder almost as soon as we took off.

It was green screen love. And from this screen, through this lens, the journey is far from over.

--9.3.08 1:12 am